Wow. I got a lot of mail in response to that last mailbag. I'm still trying to answer it all. And almost all of it was about the Mediator 6 sneak peek. Which was, really, like 10 lines long. Some of you are reading an awful lot into those ten lines.
All I can say is that—and I may or may not get to your email to say this, so I'm posting it here just in case—all of your questions will be answered in due course, but I can't answer them now, or I'll be giving away everything that happens in the book a year before it comes out! I will post a longer sneak peek when I get the cover design for “Twilight.”
Also, I must apologize to readers who do not live in the US and have not seen the latest episodes of ER because their countries are a season behind ours. I blew the whole Rocket Romano thing. If I were you, I'd check out www.televisionwithoutpity.com for their hilarious ER recaps, which are much better nowadays than the show itself.
Although Dr. Kovach did take his shirt off the other night. Sadly not to swordfight with Carter again (best episode ever) but it was still gratifying, for the two seconds it lasted.
Moving on, in case you haven't noticed, they posted my tour dates/locations on the Tour Info section on this site! If I am coming to a town near you, please stop by. I give a little speech at the beginning, and answer questions, then sign books, and sometimes there's cookies! So get there on time or you may miss out! Again, if I am not coming to your town/country, I apologize, but there are a lot of towns and a lot of countries, and only one Meg, and I DO have to write books sometimes, so what's posted is it for now…but there's always my Teen Idol tour in July, and of course Princess Diaries 6 next year!
Where was I? Oh, yeah! Since you all seem to like sneak peeks so much, here's another one, but this one is for a book I actually have coming out next month—Princess Diaries 5, Princess in Pink—so you don't have to wait a year to find out what happens! And no, I did not steal this scene from this week's totally fabulous OC (I love Summer. And I don't mean the season. Princess Sparkle!). I actually wrote PD5 this time last year, before OC was even on (can you remember a time when the OC wasn't on? I can't)!
Okay, without further ado, here is a guaranteed never-before-seen sneak peek at Princess Diaries 5, posted here with the understanding that though you may write to me and beg all you want, I am not going to tell you what happens next. You will have to wait the 32 days until the book comes out:
Sunday, May 4, Noon, the Loft
My plan for the day was to stay in bed with the covers up over my head until it was time to go to school Monday morning. That is what people who have had their reason for living cruelly snatched from them do: stay in bed as much as possible.
This plan was unfairly destroyed, however, by my mother, who just came barreling in (at her current size, she can't help but barrel everywhere she goes) and sat down on the edge of the bed, nearly crushing Fat Louie, who had slunk down underneath the covers with me, and was snoozing at my toes. After screaming because Fat Louie had sunk all his claws into her rear end, right through my duvet, my mom apologized for barging in on my grief-stricken solitude, but–she said–she thought it was time we had A Little Talk.
It is never a good thing when my mom thinks it is a time for A Little Talk. The last time she and I had A Little Talk, I was forced to listen to a very long speech about body image and my supposedly distorted one. My mother was very worried that I was contemplating using my Christmas money for breast enhancement surgery, and she wanted me to know what a bad idea she thought this was, because women's obsession with their looks has gotten completely out of control. In Korea, for instance, thirty percent of women in their twenties have had some form of plastic surgery, ranging from cheek and jaw bone shaving to eyes slicing and calf muscle removal (for slimmer calves) in order to achieve a more Western look. This as opposed to three percent of women in the US who have had plastic surgery for purely aesthetic purposes.
The good news? America is NOT the most image-obsessed country in the world. The bad news? Too many women outside of our culture feel pressured to change their looks to better emulate ours, thinking Western standards of beauty are more important than their own country's, because that is what they see on old reruns of shows like Baywatch and Friends. Which is wrong, just wrong, because Korean women are just as beautiful as women from LA or Manhattan. Just in a different way.
As awkward as THAT chat had been (I was not contemplating using my Christmas money for breast enhancement surgery: I was contemplating using my Christmas money for a complete set of Shania Twain CDs, but of course I couldn't ADMIT that to anyone, so my mom naturally thought it was something to do with my boobs), the one we had today really takes the cake as far as mother/daughter talks go.
Because of course today was THE mother/daughter talk. Not the “Honey, your body is changing and soon you'll have a different use for those sanitary napkins of mine you stole to make into beds for your Star Wars action figures” talk. Oh, no. Today was the “You're fifteen now and you have a boyfriend and last night my husband caught you and your little friends playing Seven Minutes in Heaven and so I think it's time we discussed You Know What” talk.
I have recorded our conversation here as best I could so that when I have my own daughter I can make sure NEVER, EVER to say any of these things to her, remembering how INCREDIBLY AND UTTERLY STUPID THEY MADE ME FEEL WHEN MY OWN MOTHER SAID THEM TO ME. As far as I'm concerned, my own daughter can learn about sex from the Lifetime Movie Channel for Women, like everybody else on the planet.
Mom: Mia, I just heard from Frank that last night at your party, you were all playing some sort of make-out game, Five Minutes in the Closet–
Me: Seven Minutes in Heaven.
Mom: Whatever. The point is, Mia, you're fifteen now. You're pretty much an adult, and I know that you and Michael are very much a couple. It's only natural that you'd be curious about sex…perhaps even experimenting–
Me: MOM!!!! GROSS!!!!!!!!!
Mom: There's nothing gross about sexual relations between two people who love one another, Mia. Of course I would prefer it if you waited until you were older. Until you were in college, maybe. Or your mid-thirties, anyway. However, I know only too well what it is like to be a slave to your hormones, so it's important that you take the appropriate precau–
Me: I mean, it's gross to talk about it with my MOTHER.
Mom: Well, yes, I know. Or rather, I don't know, since my own mother would have sooner dropped dead than have mentioned any of this to me. However, I think it is important for mothers and daughters be open with one another about these things. For instance, Mia, if you ever feel that you need to talk about birth control, I can make you an appointment with my gyne–
Me: MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!! MICHAEL AND I ARE NOT HAVING SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom: Well, I'm glad to hear that, honey, since you are
a bit young. But if the two of you should decide to, I want to make sure you have all your facts straight. For instance, are you and your friends aware that diseases like AIDS can be transmitted through oral sex as well as–
Me: YES, MOM, I KNOW THIS. I AM TAKING HEALTH AND SAFETY THIS SEMESTER, REMEMBER?????
Mom: Mia, sex is nothing to be embarrassed about it. It is one of the basic human needs, such as water, food, and social interaction. It is important that if you choose to become sexually active, you protect yourself.
Finally my mom ran out of steam. The Little Talk just kind of petered out. She sat there for a minute, looking around at my room, which is only minorly a disaster area. I am pretty neat, overall, because I always feel like I have to clean my room before I can start on my homework. Something about a clear environment making for clear thinking. I don't know. Maybe it's just because homework is so boring I'll take any excuse to put off doing it.
“Mia,” my mom said, after a long pause. “Why are you still in bed at noon on a Sunday? Isn't this when you usually meet your friends for dim sum?”
I shrugged. I didn't want to admit to my mom that dim sum was probably the last thing on anybody's mind this morning…I mean, seeing what had happened last night.
“I hope you aren't upset with Frank,” my mom went on, “for ruining your party. But really, Mia, you and Lilly are old enough to know better than to play silly games like Seven Minutes in Heaven. What on earth is wrong with playing Spoon?”
I shrugged some more. What was I going to say? That the reason I was so upset had nothing to do with Mr. G, and everything to do with the fact that my boyfriend didn't want to go to the prom? Lilly was right: The prom is just a stupid pagan dance ritual. Why did I even care?
“Well,” my mom said, climbing awkwardly to her feet. “If you want to stay in bed all day, I'm certainly not going to stop you. There's no place else I'd rather be, I'll admit. But then, I'm an old pregnant lady, not a fifteen year old.”
Then she left. THANK GOD. I can't believe she tried to have a sex talk with me. About Michael. I mean, doesn't she know Michael and I haven't gotten past first base? No one I know has, with the exception, of course, of Lana. At least I assume Lana has, judging by what got spray-painted about her across the gymnasium wall over Spring Break.
And now Lilly, of course.
God. My best friend has been to more bases than I have. And I am the one who is supposed to have found my soulmate. Not her.
Life is so unfair.
